i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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