i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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