google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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