I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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