this beer tastes like vomit already
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
