Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
