I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i've created a new STD.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
