I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
