I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
