Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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