He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
