it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
