I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
