You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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