sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
