Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
