So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
