the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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