Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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