You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
