K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
