Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
