but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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