So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
