Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize