she woke up with a sticky ear
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
