I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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