He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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