My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
