I will die if light touches me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
