So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
