Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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