Plan B is the new Plan A
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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