how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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