Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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