You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
