We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
