Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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