Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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