and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
