i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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