im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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