I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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