he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
