yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
