I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
