I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
