fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
