Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
