great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
