My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
