SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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