Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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