Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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