i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
