I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
