I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
