return my video game
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
