yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
