Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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