Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
