No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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