And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Holy shit dude........stairs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
