Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
