It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
