the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
