Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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