She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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