i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize