Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
