If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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